We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
