i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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