You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize