I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
