the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
