Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
