Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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