so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
