dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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