i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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