I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
