Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
