I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
