What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
