end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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