Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize