I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
