make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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