he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
