Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
