it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
