Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
