tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
