Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
