I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
