i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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