can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
