im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
