Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
