This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
