i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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