I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
