Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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