how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
