Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
