Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
