I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
