I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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