I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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