And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
