So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize