I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
