so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
