All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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