Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
