Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
