Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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