We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
