i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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