Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize