i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
