I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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