just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
