We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
