Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
