they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
