in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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