genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize