A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
