Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
