You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
