Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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