I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
