Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
