He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
pray to the hookup gods
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
