I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
