ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize