Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
True strength comes from lack of pants
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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