It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
