WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
